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well, we all know it;
im f*****g funny {denying it wont make it go away}
here are a few thinks to prove it.
ofcourse i 'stole' them from another website. dont think im that good.
A**e hole...
Donald Rumsfeld gave the President his daily briefing. He concluded by saying: "yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH, NO!" the President exclaimed. "thats terrible!"
a sob escaped his trembling lips.
His staff was stunned at this display of emotion, nerviously watching the President sat, his head in his hands.
Finally the President looked up and asked,"just how many is a brazillion.?"
i dont know what is funnier; the guy kneeling in front of Bush or the man with the big grin behind Bush.
One day, a mother told her son, "we are having guests and i want you to answer the door for them, so plan on a polite speech to say to them when they arrive." so the boy walks around the house looking for advice.
first, he goes into his sisters room and sees her reading an article in a mag, titled 'Bitches and Bastards'. "what does that mean?" he asks her. and see replies;"oh, its just another word for ladies and gentlemen."
then he goes in to his brothers room and finds him watching to naked people on the telly. the program is called 'Dicks and Arses' "what does that mean?" he asks. his brother replies; "oh, its just another word for coats and jackets."
then the boy goes to his mums room and sees her putting cream on her face. she scratches herself and says; "shit!" outloud. the boy then asks his mum what shit means. she replies; "oh, its just another word for putting cream on your face."
finally, the boy goes into the kichen and finds his dad carving the turkey. the dad cuts his finger and says "fuck!" outloud. "what does that mean?" the boy asks. "oh, its just another name for cutting the turkey."
Eventually, when the guests arive the little boy answers the door and says; "Dear bitchs and bastards, please put your dicks and arses on the coat rack, mums smearing shit on her face and dads fucking the turkey."
George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on airforce one. the president looks at the vice president, chukles and says; "you know, i could throw a $1000 bill out the window and make someone very happy."
the vice president shrugs and says; "i could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make ten people happy."
not to be outdone the secretary of defences says," of couse, then, i could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."
the pilot rolls his eyes to his co-pilot, "such arrogant arses back there. hell, i could throw all them 3 out the window and make 56 million people realy happy."
a husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wifes birthday. but she was willing to let it pass if he made it up to her in the right way.
his wife told him; "tomorrow there better be somthing on that driveway that goes from zero to 200 in 5 seconds flat!"
the next morning the wife found a small package on the driveway. she opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for saturday.
oh my god... do they realise what they have done? i bet she is lovin it.
one day a man came home from work to find his wife dressed in a sexy silk dress.
"tie me up bitch! you can do anything!" she purrs.
so the man tied her up and went golfing.
a man joins the Tibetan temple. he takes a vow of silence but is allowed to say two words every year. after an arduous 12 months of eating rice, sleeping on a wooden bed with a raggedy blanket, and working 14-hour days in fields, the man goes to the head monk ands says; "more blankets."
another hard year passes, and he visits the head monk and says; "more food." the man goes through one more year eating good meals and sleeping well, but hes drained by the long hours of work. he calls on the head monk and uses his two words to say; "im leaving."
"good," the head monk says, "you've done nothing but bitch since you got here."
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